Participation Trophy

… beep beep beep … We interrupt this screening on BlitzTV of the Castilla classic “Run Noob, Run!”, to bring you a very important announcement! Over to the main studio in the corner of the garage! …

This just in from WG-HQ, an important game-fix coming to you ASAP! We can’t say this is coming fast enough. After a couple of years of tried and true expectations, the exp system is broken! As dead as the motionless equine receiving physical chastisement over the latest hit-skin scandal. Let’s get the live update from our reporter surveying the landscape out on Mines 2.0, _HEATER_sniper_unconquerable … beep … a … beep … beep …

… Yes, thank you studio, this just in …. bwahahahahaahahahaaha … sorry …[snort] … R.O.F.L.  … hahahahhahahha … beep …

_HEATER? _HEATER? Are you there? … beep …

… Hahahaha … I just … hahahahahahah … I can’t believe … hahahahaha … beep …

_HEATER! You are live on air … beep …

… Sorry, [snort], I just, just … [snigger] … I just got a dirty Ace for my KV-2! Hahahahahaha. 2000 damage! Mwahahahahahaha. That’s so lame. Fourth one today! … beep …

Update, _HEATER, update! Or perhaps we need to find a different reporter? … beep …

… OK, ok, I’ll try to [snort] hold it together … [awkward pause, followed by deep breath] … OK, rumor has it that “The Developers”, our benevolent ruling political class, will release a fix for the outrageous “Valiant Effort” bonus that has flooded Blitz with undeserved golden glories … beep …

Great news _HEATER! What’s the nature of your source? … beep …

… Well, OK, it’s should be right here in the in-game news! Let me check … beep …

We haven’t seen an announcement here in the studio, are you sure you are looking at NA server news? … beep …

… Ok, I’ve got the list: A new chat app! Blitz Chat 1.1. It’s got tank emojis! Has anyone tried it? … beep …

News of the “Valiant Effort” Exp fix _HEATER, please … beep …

… Twister Cup Finals! NYC baby! Bushka is in town! … beep …

_HEATER, THE EXP FIX … beep …

… New STEAM camo! Looks cool! And a WHOLE bunch of other camo patterns too! Missions and gold to get them! (MOM, I NEED AN iTUNES CARD!) … beep …

DIRTY ACES NEWS _HEATER, NOW!! … beep …

… Oh, here’s one on the forum from a Q/A: “In our 2017 plans were have a VERY significant feature coming specifically for Tier X, which will seriously change the game, in a good way and will add variety.” WOW!! Sounds mysterious and exciting! Like Supremacy! … beep …

OK, _HEATER, the producer suspects that your value to the BlitzTV brand is not as high as your CV would suggest. You have been relieved of live duties and can report to Janitorial Services, behind that long row of new anime tanks. Make sure they are shiny and ready for release on schedule. We are crossing now to Canal to our weather reporter, AOWL_bob, hopefully he can keep it together. Still raining out there on Canal Bob? … beep … a … beep …

… Yes, its still raining on the cap here in Canal, no surprises there. The outlook across all other regions is difficult to forecast right now. No weekend special/bundle announcement has been made, and the expected flood of Steam nubbies has yet to breach any levies. Many seem to have migrated from touch and at least know the basics of gameplay. The recent premium bundles didn’t appear to dump any OP-unbalancers, but we are still dealing with the DracHell fallout. The sheer weight of numbers swarming tier VII has fallen, but a curious new phenomena has appeared: The Drac-Hellsing Toon Double-YOLO. The speed differences which separates these adventurous and free wheeling souls, delivers each in time to the full attention of reds, and 0:2 within 60 seconds of the start. Hilarious. Well, assuming that WG don’t drop some crazy grind-inducing weekend on us, it seems it might be safe to leave the bunkers again! Streaming of the Twister Cup finals should be the highlight of the weekend, with moderate weather at other times. The outlook is:

Cloudy with a chance of EPIC

This is AWOL_Bob returning you to the second half of “Run Noob, Run” where our lonely but valiant 320-gamer in his BT-7 realizes it’s just him against 5 reds on the other side of the map and that kemp spawn only works if you have targets to shoot at … beep … a … beep … beep …

 

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