beep beep beep … This is … static … your BlitzTV field reporter Conner McBeerkeg and I’m standing outside the ruins of the burnt out main garage [Producers voice: turn around Conner] Ah, right, there we go, that’s where you all are. We still don’t know the particulars of last weeks disaster but all indications point to serious player burn-out caused by yet another overwrought grind event. And we are not happy about that, not happy at all [settle down, you survived]. We don’t know who in particular at WG loves these events, apart from all those trained chimps in the back room who were “sponsored” and then “adopted” from the Minsk Zoo and spend all their day counting gold purchases [leave it Conner] work for bananas they do… [pause] …  but enough is enough! We, the tankers of Blitz, the bold, the courageous, the few who have remained LOYAL to our tanks, our garage, our maps [DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT STARTING ON THE M60] … have had ENOUGH!

[And what are you going to do about it?]

We don’t know, but we SURE AS HECK MAD ABOUT IT! We might boycott playing, you know, for half a day at least. Or we might not renew our premium time, till our certificates are used up. Or we might not buy any premiums tanks this month! That’ll teach them! … [sure will] … And how about this, we might refuse to do all of our missions! How about that, hah! Yes, we will organize! The repressed proletariat of Blitz will rise up united and crush the elitist overlords who enslave us to grinding “Dragon Fangs” or whatever new superfluous currency they foist upon us! We will never, repeat never, fall prey to their machinations and scandalous duplicity again …

[Rumor of a new grind event is circulating, perhaps associated with the new French line. It’s unclear. Here, you sound hungry, have some corned beef and cabbage.]


… [awkward pause] …


Thank you [You’re welcome].


… [munching sounds] …



New event you say? That’s basically a free premium if I make all my missions. I mean, the grind will bring out all the blunt tools in the shop, but I could just get my missions done and get out. It couldn’t be that bad, could it? The real trick is to not play when school gets out in the afternoons. Thats the worst. But at other times it might be OK. I mean, I’ve lost count of all the grinds I’ve got through so far: Frank, Kuro, Anko, Defender, Glacial … It will be OK, won’t it? Really? I wouldn’t have to spend any gold, well, not much at least, not if I make all my mission resets and knock them out at tier v. That’s not so bad. I wonder what tier the tank will be? Think Conner think. It’s got to have a good credit coefficient or you’ll never actually play it …. 


BlitzWeather Report:

Moderately pleasant weather, interrupted by completely random MM leading to apparent wild swings of fortune where either 7:0 or 0:7 outcomes are essentially pre-determined. By all accounts the Super Bowl advertising buy was a blistering “success”, bringing a turret-spinning, window-licking, low caliber HE-spamming influx of total n**bs [Sorry Conner, we can’t say that anymore]. BlitzTV recommends going with the flow and finding tier/tank/platoon combinations that support carrying harder. This station has no actual information on new grind scuttlebutt, but really, really, really wants a few weeks to catch our breath and rebuild the studio from the burnt out ruins and wreckage of the 112 grind. 


One Comment Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s