Le-Good Grief

/heavy machinery construction sounds and occasional quarry blasting

G’day tankers and welcome back to the corner of the building site. We are very much still Under Construction around here, but now that the “New Year, New Freemiums That You Can’t Possibly Completely Grind Out, So Here’s a New Gold Bundle That’s Just Enough to Get it Done™” event is finally over, we are expecting to ramp up progress on our rebuilt and redeveloped Blitz Garage/Central BlitzTV Studio!

(Producers voice: Tell them about the massive, yet impressively secret, underground bunker complex!).

We will have a basement.

(… no, no, no, the part about the window-lickers!).

There will be no windows in it, ergo, from now on all window-lickers will be automatically be prevented from disturbing regular BlitzTV operations!

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BlitzTV Main Studio, Post-Chinese New Year Event

It’s actually very similar to the toggle switch for Supremacy Mode (… EXACTLY …). You flip it and all the newly hatched bots get hoovered up into Supremacy, while all the tankers who can perform more complex tasks (… such as driving in straight lines, shooting red tanks, or occasionally perusing the minimap …), load straight into the special mode: “Seal Cub-Reduced Uber Battle” (aka: S.C.R.U.B.). So you see, we can announce right here that there will be no basement-dwelling window-lickers in the new BlitzTV studio! And with the end of that last, long, protracted, drawn-out, overly procrastinated event (Glacial! I get it! Hahahahaha …..  Noôb), all looks clear for rebuilding in the days ahead!

Neither will seal pups be bothering the visiting public as they tour the new and exciting attractions added during redevelopment (Give them a sneak peek!). While we can’t provide any details on the new facilities just yet, we have been running some exclusive tours for Patreon sponsors before our official re-opening (… um, you don’t have any …). Well, not exactly our sponsors, but shall we rather say, “willing volunteers” and supporters of this fine channel! (… well that’s true at least …) Here we have the very first tour of our new open air, outdoor studio!

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BlitzTV Sponsor Exclusive Tour: Outdoor Studio Kemp Bush 2A

/silent pause of respect for the many selfless BlitzTV contributors

Named in honor of our hard working volunteers, Studio Kemp Bush 2A is packed with industry leading technology that will … (… aren’t they just newbies that have shown up for the Lost Division Vegas-worthy Lottery Scam?)

/awkward pause

Wait. What?

(The new grind isn’t an exp grind. It’s a hybrid rehash of the Dutch Auction crate function with a new, completely fabricated, currency called “Intel” that you can earn by completing missions and trade in for “containers” that hold valuable items at unspecified frequencies).

Oh, Good Grief …

(The clueless are just back for a chance to get a free AMX CDC in a container. The event is married to the release of the first French line).

You have to be kidding me …

(But the hilarious part, particularly if you have shares in WG, is that you can buy sets of containers in the store!)

/Audible groan

(So, yeah, it’s got that wonderful gambling and neurotransmitter effect going on too. Genius).

So the upshot is that Blitz is flooded, again, with Super-Bowl Ad-Buy quality players? For what, a couple weeks?

(S-BAB’s? YeahAnd it’s a 3x noob-weeekend too).

/muffled screaming

(And It’s already started).

/mildly worrying medical emergency

 

To be continued….


BlitzWeather Report Draft, Ver3.6.1

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Warm and sunny conditions across the NA server, almost spring-like in pleasantness, bringing relief and restoration to the long suffering veteran Blitz tanker! The cool winds of sanity coupled with lack of noôb-inducement should bring calm intelligent tanking to all maps. Record breaking levels of teamwork, careful strategy, focused fire, entrenched hull down positioning, and situational awareness may even be expected in some time-slots. It’s a beautiful season to be a tanker guys and gals! Get out there and get it done!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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