>>>Bacon!

on

Thank you, thank you, tankers one and all! Welcome back to the grand opening tour of our brand new Blitz Museum and Theme Park, follow by this weeks BlitzWeather Report! Without further ado, over to our reporter who will be today’s guide, the one, the only, Kliment Voroshilov II, who will be walking us through the Advanced Tactics Pavilion! Mr Voroshilov, are you there Klim! … Beep beep beep a beep ….

Da. Is here. Yes! … beep

Great to have you with us today Mr Voroshilov and thank you for taking a break out of what we can only imagine is a very busy schedule …

Da. Many small tank on map. Much trouble. For them. Hah … beep

… to help introduce what BlitzTV feels is one of the single most important sections of our theme park! We are very excited to show our viewers a glimpse of our twin pavilions for advancement of tactical strategy in public matches …

Is gud. Gud plans … beep

As the camera pans out from where you are standing, Mr Voroshilov, we can see there behind you the Logical Entrance via Favorable Terrain exhibit (L.E.F.T.), and on the other side, displayed in a mirror image, the Hall of Rectifying Illogical Guesswork Herds Tankfist (R.I.G.H.T.) …

Da. Gud plans, very good plans ... beep

What this area of the park is all about is developing and sharing an advanced understanding of tactical strategy in public matches …

Stronnk tenk derp. Little tenks go BOOM! … beep

We have built a highly interactive educational facility, complete with advanced technical training tools, team line-up decision-tree educators, anti-kamping negative reinforcement workshops…

Stronnk HE shell to face. Derp! … beep

We have vetted thousands of players, studied their feedback and came to the same starling conclusion.  Time and time again their answer was …

KV2 is boss tennk. Da! Stronnk. Has best plan … beep

Yes, you are absolutely correct, Mr Voroshilov! Thousands of pub players have witnessed your genius strategy and tactics up close and personal, dragging their WR higher and higher with each and every game-changing decision. And we have rolled that ethos into these collaborative and world-class exhibits, bound to attract unicum and potato alike in an immersive educational experience unlike any other! Would you care to distill for our viewing audience, and please be careful not to startle them with your insight, a summary of your dizzying and breathtaking strategy? …

Da … beep

And, and??? …

Me say … beep

Yes??? …

Me say. Before battle … beep

YES???? …

Me say. Before battle. Before start. Me say: “>>>Bacon!” … beep

/awkward silence

“B. A. C. O. N.”? …

Da. Before start … beep

“Bacon”? …

… Nyet. Say: “>>>Bacon!”  … beep

Errrrr …

… or if go other way, say: “<<<Bacon!” … beep

/more awkward silence. [To producer: Who screened this guy? It was Conner, wasn’t it? Isn’t St Paddy’s day tomorrow?]

It work. Many times … beep

[Producers voice: Calling security! Pub Strat! Code Threat 152!]

Well, errr, I guess, there you have it folks. Perhaps you are onto something here Mr Voroshilov …

Then say: “No Vegans”. That work gud too … beep

[…Producers voice: Security detail ETA 60 secs, keep him talking...]

I have keyboard shortcuts. Gud plans … 

Ok Mr Voroshilov. Wait right there for a moment. Please, um, Mr Voroshilov, sir, please explain for our audience in a little more detail, what’s so special about this, errr, system? Why do you think this strategy is so brilliant? …

… Because …

/KV2 drops mic

… beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppp …


 

BlitzWeather Report

Some warmish spring weather forecast for the week ahead after a seemingly never ending blizzard of volume based grind events. The directionally challenged over-aggressive Conner goes back on sale, with some added inconsequential discounts to crew training, premium time, crew skill reset, and a few miscellaneous missions thrown into the mix for credits and free exp in order to justify the payroll of the Blitz in-game news department. BlitzTV recommends rolling out with an experienced toonmate and making some hay while the sun shines.

 

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