Life’s too short for bad coffee


OK tankers! Welcome back to the tour of the Blitz Museum and Theme Park! We are excited to take you straight to todays exhibit, our new academic institution dedicated to studying the intricacies of Training Room activity, primarily insights that lay bare the cultural norms of human behavior and anthropology behind naming TRs. Over to our guest reporter for the day _Ca44einatedTANKER_, who will take you on a guided tour of the Institute for Wondrously Erratic Interactive Room Designation Origination (W.E.I.R.D.O.). … beep … a … beep … beep …

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(/Inhales ) Why thank you very much Central Studio hosts Ca44 here and I’m just as thrilled as can be to explain to you and show you around this brand new exhibition hall and WEIRDO Institute which is close and dear to my heart as ever could be since I love training rooms and have been in then since they came out in Blitz 2.9 especially with all those spontaneous fun games we do such as runners and rammers and all kinds of stuff but you know we still have to pay for damage but not prammo for some reason which is kind of weird … (/Inhales) … Well enough of the introduction they asked me to run you all through the Institute and I’m well versed in all things about it so without further ado lets get down to business which is all about training rooms and the weird and wacky names they have and why that might be because we have all wondered what that could all be about haven’t you? … (/Inhales) …

[Directors voice: Cut!]

/Exhales. Awkward silence

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(/sips coffee. Inhales) …  Why are you cutting me off again you told me to be enthusiastic about the promotion and get to the nitty gritty of the issues with training room names and such because they are as weird as heck and for some reason everyone gotta drown their name in exclamation points because thats spectacularly attention grabbing or something and all the cool kids will come join their weird room and do weird stuff sometimes even on voice coms because like all their mom’s would totally have no idea what they were up to if they did that in there which of course is better than being our with friends and up to no good who knows where … [Cut! Cut!] … beeeeeeeeeep

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OK, back in the main studio again here. Apologies from us here at BlitzTV, we take our journalistic principles seriously and strive for excellence in all coverage, but it looks like we may not have lined up the field reporter we were expecting [… you got that right …]. Lets go now instead to our lead academic advisor, newly installed Chairman of WEIRDOProfessor Rus Churchill 3rd. Professor, in your opinion, what can be learned by studying the naming habits of training room users in Blitz? [… switch to camera 3, Prof Church’s lounge room …] … beep

… Ya. Thank you good TV land guy for that introdukshun. I have been studying these so called “Trainink Roomks” since update 2.9 as you have said. It’s most kurious the clientele that habitat the space and their major objektives in doing so. But thats not what you are asking about now, is it? What you really want to know is why these roomks are named the way they are and why certain special charakters seem so important in namink them thusly. Well, now I happen to have some exciting unpublished data that Im happy to explain to your audience. I spent several months dokumenting the names of the trainink roomks, the namek and battle records of the players inhabiting them, the times when these roomks were active and developed the following simple formula for kalculating the appropriate numbker of exclamation point for the title of that particular Trainink Roomk:

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Where the variables are:

  • n = number of sub 45% WR noobs in the room
  • s and u=  number of players with either “sniper” or “unconquerable” in their names
  • # = number of premium tanks in the garage of the rooms owner (minimum value of 1, because everyone had the Mark 1, at least for a couple weeks)
  • R and T =  number of open Training Rooms set to either “random” or “town/city” maps

So there you kan see it, by applyink the above equation, anybody can successfully name their roomk with the appropriate number of exclamation points, and enjoy a highly successful time of edukational progress in tackling the nuances and subtleties of Blitz! You think my analysis is correct, yes? … beep

/awkward  silence

[… CUT! CUT! CUT! …]

Hmmmmm, OK apologies again here from the main studio. It seems as if we may have a significant challenge on our hands here to modify the current conventions of the Blitz playing public with respect to Training Room names and use of alternate attention grabbing special characters. Here at BlitzTV we prerecorded a trial of an alternate TR naming strategy, using non-exclamation point special characters. Unfortunately our efforts were not that successful, failing to attract any public players to join our room.

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In hindsight its pretty clear that a complete lack of exclamation in the title and description, “W.E.I.R.D.O.s only. Must have turret pointed to left at all times. First tank to drown wins. Random map. NO GROUSERS ALLOWED”, doomed the above attempt to failure. We remain undaunted however, and will report back in over the weeks ahead with data summarizing the use of the following attention-grabbing symbols: @, $, *, ß, ∑, ∞, and π …



BlitzWeather Report

Unpredictable and somewhat unstable BlitzWeather conditions have been in effect for the past week, unlinked in any obvious way for the first time this year to an organized grind event. Regional forecasters have pointed to the rolling and sporadic nature of Spring Break as it sweeps across the NA server as contributing to the ongoing instability. The uninspiring bundles in the store (lame tanks + lame boosters = exorbitant costs) and pre-release patch notes on Blitz 3.7 (heralding a series of buffs for old favorites) do not contribute predictable features to the outlook in the weeks ahead. However, as clockwork as seasonal rains, WG have stepped in to introduce another overly complex currency feature to cloud the user interface: Tournament Tickets. Yay.

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