Demands for Swedish Tech Tree Turn Violent

STOCKHOLM, October 27th, 2017 – Regional authorities succeeded in returning calm to the streets of the capital after a long night of rioting by disgruntled World of Tanks Blitz players. The annual “Arctic Armor” day at the Arsenalen Tank Museum, sponsored by WarGaming, started cordially according to survivors, but soon developed into a tense stand off between EU forum staff and agitated players demanding introduction of a full Swedish tank line under the national flag. “NO HYBRID DEAL!! SWEDES ARE REAL!!” chanted the restless crowd, becoming increasing vocal at the STRV 74A2 being lumped in the garage together with a burgeoning array of fantasy tanks.

Swedish authorities had also been tracking a simmering year-long rivalry between between local clans, [IKEA] – The Flat Packers and [ABBA] – Dancing Queens, that they believe came rapidly to the boil after a failed mediation attempt by WG staff. “The Stridsvagn 74A2 is colloquially known by all as the IKEAbus”, stated [ABBA] deputy BjornFree_or_DIE, “it’s that slow”. [IKEA] founder 001_icecoldsven_ countered in a terse written statement released later from his hospital room: “Since late 2016 we have all loathed the ABBAwagon’s lack of armor and long reload. There is only one name for it”. Eyewitness accounts indicate that WG staff attempted to explain that many non-Swedes regularly play the Stridsvagn and feel its a moderately capable vehicle. The spark-to-gunpowder moment may well have been their insistence that the globally recognized nickname for the 74A2 had become “Steve”.

While it remains too early to piece together a definitive timeline of the chaos that erupted, police state that protestors first ransacked the WG display booths, looting branded T-shirts, coffee mugs and key chains, before hot-wiring numerous display vehicles and rampaging 40 miles cross country back to the capital, where they proceeded to crush cars that were not Volvo, Saab, or Scania branded. “Just give us the Swedish TDs!!!”, screamed a latte-sipping blonde sticking out of the commanders hatch of a speeding Strv m/38 who was caught on camera. Despite the tense calm that has been restored, Stockholm police urge caution when approaching any non-uniformed member of the public who appears to be driving an armored vehicle.

In other news today WarGaming announced a new partnership with the Thomas the Tank Engine franchise, with the immediate release of new premium “Percy” tank destroyer bundle (Tier III with 105 mm howitzer, $7.99 with 5 days premium time, crew training boosters and “No6” camo). Percy totes a gun carriage with 360º traverse, 500 alpha damage and is limited to the Dead Rail, Desert Sands, Canal, Winter Himmelsdorf, and Mirage maps. A full Thomas TD line will be introduced in the next update, culminating in the monster Tier X “No4. Gordon”.

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