Stranded Snowstorm Driver Rescued After Ordeal on Port Bay

ANTWERP, 14th November, 2017 – After a harrowing sixteen and a half hours, stubborn regional tanker KampHardr_unconquerable was finally rescued from the precarious perch he had climbed to in only his third battle of the day. “Ist best spot, wunderbar” said the cold and shivering TD driver, back in the garage long after nightfall. According to frustrated team mates, the Jagdtiger first called “zee river >” then immediately “climbed the nearest European Beech” and refused to budge for the remainder of the game. “Camping it up like a container-premium skrub” described the emergency vehicle recovery team (EVRT) that was dispatched to drag him back the garage, “simply ridiculous”.

WarGaming have remained curiously tight lipped about the glitch with the game timer that kept the battle running long after KampHardr’s team had eliminated all the enemy. “Expect go back garage as usual” explained a top tier ST-I driver, who insisted on anonymity for fear of reprisal, “but tree noob keep shouting”. The unfortunate team mates were bullied with orders to “red spawn check”, “eliminate port afk”, and “no cap!! all kill!!”, before they were eventually able to convince the 8.8 that all enemy tanks were, in fact, dead. “He not count good” explained the ST-I. The bullying persisted however, and the heavy tanks were soon put to work unloading the container ships, with the mediums clearing the unsightly rubble in the dock area. “He just wouldn’t shut up” said the teams Ru 251, who as a light tank eventually clocked up 83.7 km “scouting the flanks and riverside ambush zones” before running low on gas. “Stalag P.B.”, as the 8.8 renamed the map, remained a hive of activity, until the KpfPz 70 driver finally took matters into is own hands, drowning himself to get back to the garage, followed rapidly by the others.

“We were first alerted to the emergency situation several hours later” stated KittyKatRescue_sniper of EVRT, “when the howling was heard across the bay at Yamato Harbor”. The wailing was pitiful according to survivors of a tightly fought supremacy battle, “like a four year old who dropped his ice-cream cone at the zoo.” The recovery team arrived around fourteen hours after the battle first loaded to find KampHardr_unconquerable still in the tree, clinging for dear life to some dangerously thin branches and wailing about his noob team. “Feline-family vehicles seem to share some common traits” explained KatRescue “they are often over-enthusiastic climbers, and almost unfailingly are also fanatical authoritarians. Those tier V Leo’s are the worst.” After several unsuccessful attempts to coax the big cat down to safety, the EVRT vehicle resorted to backing up and knocking the tree over. “Works every time” beamed the team over their selfie with the destroyed TD.

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