UN Appraised: WarGaming Testing Mind-Control Programs

UN SECRETARIAT BUILDING, 23rd November 2017 – UN Delegates reeled in horror today as #BlitzResist, the global mobile-tanker protest movement, unveiled undercover research on WarGaming’s purported use of early release mind-control software to manipulate the behavior of the player base. At a hastily convened General Assembly a masked representative of the dark-web subversives, Player_991076529 (not his real IGN), explained through a voice distorting device the underlying technology exploiting the weak-minded. “The thought-portal is in the upper left of the garage” growled his digitized voice. “Whenever opened, typically twice a day, the affected player is compelled, often subconsciously, to perform acts of a mindless automaton”. The organization simultaneously released a public access database complete with screenshots, documenting subliminal mind-altering directives influencing “driving into dangerous positions to identify enemy locations”, “risking return fire to inflict a large amount of cumulative damage in a certain tank”, or “specifically dealing module damage against enemy vehicles”, among numerous others.

Furious delegates interrupted continually, loudly expressing consternation at WarGaming’s recent admission to the UN. “Just because their net profit from premium tank bundles is many fold larger than the GDP of a typical third-world country,” pompously shouted the Chairman of the First Committee on Disarmament and Inter-map Security, “doesn’t qualify WarGaming as a nation-state diplomatic entity!” Countered WG’s ambassador to the UN, _PeaceThruBIAS_, “Claim WarGaming distribute mind-control virus is sick capitalist joke. Player is #1, always #1. Like give SU-100Y to new player in container.”

Unsure of the actual meaning of the translation, the Assembly moved on to debate and enact crippling sanctions on WG’s international Spare Parts monopoly, with Secretary BIAS_ being the only abstention in an otherwise unanimous vote. Player_991076529 closed the session with ominous evidence that WG had first experimented with mind-control software on their own employees. “Customer support staff were the first test subjects,” he claimed, “boiler-plate responses to customer support tickets are a clear indication of controlled neurological automation”.

 

 

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