Hillary Uses Jageru to Sneak Into White House for Thanksgiving

WASHINGTON DC, 24th November, 2017 – A year after her bitter election loss Hillary Clinton finally put her disappointment and tendency to blame everyone else behind her, and taking matters into he own hands, snuck back into the White House in her Jagdpanzer E100 for a battle. “I just wanted to go home for Thanksgiving” she said, elaborating that she first pardoned and dismissed all the “resident turkeys” before settling down to a Thanksgiving feast during the game with her clan mates from [ALT-RLTY].

While her level 7 camo skills enabled her to evade the secret service on her way in, they soon found her dishing up a huge plate of turkey, stuffing and gravy in the smaller Dining Room. According to Agent Umove_Uded_sniper, once spotted the suspect immediately retreated to the Oval Office, plate of food in hand, taking up a “strong hull-down defensive position” behind the Presidents desk, under which an unnamed accomplice was also hiding with “several” interns. The battle ended with an unsatisfactory draw, and seven minutes after first crashing through the perimeter, Hillary was back in the garage.

As of the last update, the former candidate had outlined her policies for negotiating repairs to “minor damage” to the Perimeter Fence, Rose Garden, West Colonnade, Cabinet Room, Roosevelt Room and Oval Office. Waving dismissively from the commanders hatch, in a “fetching desert camouflage pants suit” and Dukakis-quality helmet, she claimed that an unlimited number of gold-certificates could be provided by the Clinton Foundation, sequentially via the Maldives, an undisclosed Swiss account, Liechtenstein, Botswana, Bulgaria, and Croatia, after originating from WG HQ in Minsk itself. Ms Clinton finished by expressing her disappointment at not having enough time in the White House to instal the Tanking-Tzar’s she intended and that the current administrations regulations on APCR penetration kinetics, lightbulb mechanics, and Gold/Experience conversion would therefore go unchallenged. Until the next election.

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