MINSK, January 30th, 2018 – In a first step to “Broadening Blitz experience 24/7, comrade” WarGaming will offer Blitz-branded memorabilia, according to VP of Playerbase Renewal, Iwantibusof Goldnoobsinov. “Is gud product, very gud for player love Bliz,” claimed Goldnoobsinov, “with product, can experience best Blitz atmosphere all day, every day.”
According to the announcement a series of memorabilia will become available through the garage store. “Blitz fantastic for major bathroom activity, but not all,” explained Goldnoobsinov, “we want every player experience Blitz-life elsewhere too.” With release slated to commemorate the epic influx of new players occurring with every Super Bowl advertising buy, WG appear to be betting that veteran players want to replicate that experience outside of the game.
Highlights of the limited-release packages include embossed toothbrushes and shavers designed to model the experience of event noobswarms. Goldnoobsinov bordered on maniacal when gushing over Blitz “shoe crystals”, a medicinal product designed to be added inside footwear to remind players about the joys of the Blitz player base throughout the day. Memorabilia product bundles, including large and medium free-exp, crew training and battle exp boosters (but no spare parts) will be available for just $99.99 (plus shipping and handling).