NAPA VALLEY, 26th March, 2018 – The impending arrival of Blitz version 4.8 marks an entire update cycle since the introduction of the most recent battle mode into the game. With the notorious 3.8 ushering in the era of the Spare Parts economy, tankers have faced off against WarGaming developers in a dynamic and unpredictable garage-challenge called “Sparts’n-Nerf”.
While infused with complexity and nuance, in its simplest form the game mode consists of (a) the maximal performance of one’s tech tree tank collection being held hostage by developers, (b) while they dangle a frustratingly-limited supply of equipment-earning currency and offer inane routes to earning it, (c) leaving the player with agonizingly risky decisions over which vehicles to deem “Sparts-worthy” and equip, (d) followed by the developers declaring said vehicle in need of “balancing” and spanking it excessively hard with the nerfbat. One particularly entertaining version of the game mode for Sparts enthusiasts involves bait-and-switch mechanics, where the developers buff a vehicle excessively before nerfing it in a subsequent update.
It also seems that unsuccessful players of the Sparts’n-Nerf mode have only limited legal recourse for rectifying perceived injustices. Unhappy Tiger I driver historicalaccuracysux attempted recently to file for Chapter 11 Sparts-bankruptcy in the Vineyards courthouse. Judge ROFL_WGdev_, an appointee of the the administration, immediately threw out the filing, determining that WarGaming could “with the exception of Soviet vehicles, negatively-rebalance whichever tanks they deem necessary”. The judge immediately dismissed historicalaccuracysux back to the garage, after which muffled belly laughing could be heard emanating from his private chambers. Meanwhile, the excitement and entertainment of the Sparts’n-Nerf game mode has the Blitz community awaiting update 4.8 with baited breath. Said long-time medium tank specialist GrouseredOut “What could possibly go wrong”.