Advocacy Group Implores WarGaming


CLEVELAND, OH, March 30th, 2018 – The leadership of the global therapy-advocacy group Blitz Friends and Family gathered outside an abandoned rubber duck factory in Cleveland to make a impassioned plea to WarGaming this morning. “World of Ducks has many of our loved ones recalling the simple fun of Blitz,” explained DuckDodgers_25th, “without the complexity of credits, boosters, timers, grinds, stock modules, premium time, ridiculous events, bundles, and especially IS-series vehicles”. Confirmed BFF International V.P. of Addiction, Jus1Moar_unquonk, “We implore WarGaming to permanently install WarDucks as the main game mode in Blitz. Its stupid fun”.

BFF was formed on the NA server in late 2014 after two desperate “Blitz-better-halves” met by accident in a suburban Cleveland shopping mall. Exhausted by a progressive increase in the load of their domestic chores, and concerned over a perceived deterioration in the social skills of their hopelessly addicted partners, GetOffMyCouch and HoneyDo_NOW established the group to lobby WarGaming to address the compulsive nature of their flagship mobile platform. “Its now an era where nagging just doesn’t work”, demurred GetOffMyCouch, “especially given the accessibility of the bathroom.” Since its inception, BBF has burgeoned to become a global influencer of Blitz-addiction treatment and recovery, with offices on every server region serving thousands of formerly outgoing and engaging tankers. “World of Ducks has him laughing for the first time in a couple years,” an encouraged HoneyDo_NOW sighed, “WG really need to focus more on the societal impact of their product.”

While developers are yet to formally respond to the proposition, the simplicity of the current version is unlikely to be retained should WOD become the main game mode in Blitz. Indeed a leaked internal WG memo suggests the development path may include egg timers for upgrades which can be accelerated with “golden eggs”, Soviet-style layered feathering, beak and webbing modifications, premium ducks such as Ping, Donald, Daffy, and Scrooge, bubble boosters, premium “quacking” and a special event “Make way for Ducklings”. When shown the leaked document DuckDodgers_25th spoke for many suffering friends and family when he exclaimed “We’re  ducked!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s