VLADIVOSTOK, April 3rd, 2018 – Local unicum Masochist_Da_sniper lost his tank commander during a particularly toxic rating battle on Yamato Harbor earlier this morning. Multiple sources confirmed that while his efforts to defend the A-flag with an IS-7 were largely successful, due to skillful application of sidescraping and heavy tank expertise, neutralizing the three red TDs he faced took too long to impact the overall outcome. “The rest of my team was too busy chasing a single Batchat around the fields to help,” sighed Da_sniper. Not to be discouraged, his gleeful teammates screamed “coward nub”, “die skrub” and “****” at the light tank as it disappeared, winning the game easily on supremacy points.
“I assume that’s the moment that broke Lieutenant Alexi,” groaned Masochist_, “he climbed out his Commanders cupola, gesticulated something very rude in Russian, and stormed off”. It may not be that rare of an occurrence according to veteran players, with many feeling drained from the quick succession of update 4.8, WarDucks and now a looming Biathlon event. While the AWOL lieutenant is officially listed as “missing after action”, Masochist_Da_ has concerns Alexi “may have left Blitz altogether out of frustration, although no one knows how”. His driver and gunner in particular were left perplexed after the abandonment, wandering aimlessly around the docks until drowning whilst trying to retrieve the rubber duckie, because “make glorious souvenir World of Ducks”.
In other news today WarGaming requested that whomever commandeered and sailed the battleship away from the Yamato map please return it expeditiously, and preferably undamaged, because far too many tankers were drowning whilst attempting to cap. In a second unrelated announcement, WarGaming released an ALL-PORTS warning to WoWS players describing an “up-gunned, 4-turreted vessel” marauding across all tiers and operating under the Jolly Rodger flag.