General Malaise Hits Blutz

SAN DIEGO, December 7th, 2017 – After grinding tanks, modules, crew, skillz, credits, free exp and now sparts, many long term players seem to be suffering a peculiar apathy toward WarGamibgs signature mobile offering. “Stupid 3.8”, said one embittered player, “I’m to tired to even care about my M3 Lee anniversary.” The malaise is widespread…

You’ve Got HateMail XIX

The official Blitz Forums have user regulations that penalize naming and shaming. Quite rightly, the intent is to prevent gratuitous antisocial aggression and retain cordial expression of opinion. Here are FerdSquad however, we have no such scruples. Welcome to the FerdSquad name and shame category. Heres’s how it works. I’ll attempt to keep the HateMail…

Hillary Uses Jageru to Sneak Into White House for Thanksgiving

WASHINGTON DC, 24th November, 2017 – A year after her bitter election loss Hillary Clinton finally put her disappointment and tendency to blame everyone else behind her, and taking matters into he own hands, snuck back into the White House in her Jagdpanzer E100 for a battle. “I just wanted to go home for Thanksgiving” she…

UN Appraised: WarGaming Testing Mind-Control Programs

UN SECRETARIAT BUILDING, 23rd November 2017 – UN Delegates reeled in horror today as #BlitzResist, the global mobile-tanker protest movement, unveiled undercover research on WarGaming’s purported use of early release mind-control software to manipulate the behavior of the player base. At a hastily convened General Assembly a masked representative of the dark-web subversives, Player_991076529 (not his real IGN), explained…

You’ve Got HateMail XVIII

The official Blitz Forums have user regulations that penalize naming and shaming. Quite rightly, the intent is to prevent gratuitous antisocial aggression and retain cordial expression of opinion. Here are FerdSquad however, we have no such scruples. Welcome to the FerdSquad name and shame category. Heres’s how it works. I’ll attempt to keep the HateMail…

Blitz Garage Collapses Under its Own Weight

LOS ANGELES, November 21st, 2017 – After taking a prolonged leave of absence from his Blitz grind, local tanker BrianDArnold_1995 returned to the game yesterday to find that his garage had collapsed under it’s own weight. “I’m a casual gamer,” Mr Arnold confessed, “and haven’t played for probably over a year or more.” Claiming that…

Nerfed Tanks Suspected of Kidnapping Blitz Developer

MINSK, November 20th, 2017 – Concerned friends and family of a local WarGaming employee are begging authorities to act more urgently upon the suspicion he was kidnapped late last week. 300mmUppRplate was last seen leaving WG-HQ on Friday, but never made it to his home in the historic Trinity suburb. His family became alarmed when…

F.E.S. Wins Sub-Contract for Blitz Map Design

LONDON, November 17th, 2017 – At news conference held with President Edgoward R Precipitous of the Flat Earth Society, WarGaming announced today that the non-profit organization had won a closely-fought competition to become the “global partner (pun intended!) of Blitz mapmaking”. WG Senior VP of Elevation Control, Z_hillz_Sniper, stated “While the society may be held…

You’ve Got HateMail XVII

The official Blitz Forums have user regulations that penalize naming and shaming. Quite rightly, the intent is to prevent gratuitous antisocial aggression and retain cordial expression of opinion. Here are FerdSquad however, we have no such scruples. Welcome to the FerdSquad name and shame category. Heres’s how it works. I’ll attempt to keep the HateMail…

Trans-National Tanks to Receive Their Own MM Queue

San Francisco, November 14th, 2017 – In a move intended to coerce restructuring and modernity to the staid social stratification of Blitz, WarGaming announced changes to the global matchmaker algorithm yesterday, opening new queues specifically for vehicles with trans-national service. “The Pz. S35, 38H and B2 740 have been particularly vocal about the identity-uncertainty caused…

Stranded Snowstorm Driver Rescued After Ordeal on Port Bay

ANTWERP, 14th November, 2017 – After a harrowing sixteen and a half hours, stubborn regional tanker KampHardr_unconquerable was finally rescued from the precarious perch he had climbed to in only his third battle of the day. “Ist best spot, wunderbar” said the cold and shivering TD driver, back in the garage long after nightfall. According…

WarGaming Adding Subtitle Functionality to Blitz

MINSK, 13th November, 2017 – Hot on the heels of “improvements” to the Military Honor snitchcode, comes another game-changing development from WG. Announced earlier today, the state-sponsored captioning system known as “Political Officer” will arrive in update 4.5. Connecting the dots between the flood of newcomers in their container-drop high-tier premiums and new mechanisms to tell-tattle…