Cat-5 NoobHammer Vortex

Welcome back to the BlitzTV Studio here in empty corner of the post-3.8 garage, where we have a special BlitzWeather Report Warning to be issued! We’ll be right up with that, soon after this quick word from one of the major sponsors of Blitzers everywhere! … [PSA emotionally thematic music] Do you have difficulty avoiding…

Currency counting …

beep beep beep … G’day Tankers, and welcome to the Weekly BlitzWeather Report, your central hub for … … [/static, producers voice: Errr, its been 3 months!] … Oh. Well, welcome back Tankers to the much delayed BlitzWeather report, where all thats fine and dandy in the WOT Blitz-o-sphere is reported with cheery enthusiasm …….

#RollingBlue

[Post-dust-settling note: While update 3.8 + 3.9 + Sparts frustration has been directly linked to the premature demise of many a low tier noob, no actual conspiracies were enacted on said fodder. That would be against the EULA. And not cool. But WG still has a broken spare parts economy on it’s hands] Beeeeeeeeeep………….. [Producers…

Timed Out

G’day Tankers and welcome back to the central BlitzTV studio, the one and only place for your all important weekly BlitzWeather Report! Don’t go tank without it! So without any further preamble or commercial support fulfillment obligations, such as we would give for Stalin-alin™ the  brand new, enriched and extra-potent energy booster for crews of Tier…

Spend Gold Red

Welcome back Tankers to the BlitzTV Central Studio, where a *somber atmosphere prevails, clouding our grand facility tour which has been postponed out of respect for todays shocking news [producers voice: … don’t sugar coat it, get on with it …]. We ask you all to join us in a moment of silence to honor those poor fellow tankers on…

A Grind Too Far

BlitzHistory has taught us that three things on the battlefield are all but guaranteed: noobs, bad ping, and “The Grind”.  When said grind is foisted upon us by the powers that be in the form of a volume-based event, every clueless window-licker with terrible Wi-Fi emerges to pursue the unattainable dream of a free mid-tier tank. The…

Life’s too short for bad coffee

OK tankers! Welcome back to the tour of the Blitz Museum and Theme Park! We are excited to take you straight to todays exhibit, our new academic institution dedicated to studying the intricacies of Training Room activity, primarily insights that lay bare the cultural norms of human behavior and anthropology behind naming TRs. Over to our guest…

>>>Bacon!

Thank you, thank you, tankers one and all! Welcome back to the grand opening tour of our brand new Blitz Museum and Theme Park, follow by this weeks BlitzWeather Report! Without further ado, over to our reporter who will be today’s guide, the one, the only, Kliment Voroshilov II, who will be walking us through the Advanced…

Exhibit A

G’day Tankers and welcome back to the shiny new, completely rebuilt, re-engineered from the ground up, so clean you could eat your breakfast off it [Producers voice: “Don’t get too carried away“] BlitzTV Central Garage and Main Studio!!!! But that’s not all, as they say in the classic infomercials of yore, wait till you see what…

Le-Good Grief

/heavy machinery construction sounds and occasional quarry blasting G’day tankers and welcome back to the corner of the building site. We are very much still Under Construction around here, but now that the “New Year, New Freemiums That You Can’t Possibly Completely Grind Out, So Here’s a New Gold Bundle That’s Just Enough to Get it Done™”…

HANGRY

beep beep beep … This is … static … your BlitzTV field reporter Conner McBeerkeg and I’m standing outside the ruins of the burnt out main garage [Producers voice: turn around Conner] Ah, right, there we go, that’s where you all are. We still don’t know the particulars of last weeks disaster but all indications point to…

Tick, tock, tick …

/Unshaven and disheveled Blitz News anchor, waving away smoke and burning papers from singed desk. Welcome … cough … back to the … gasp … main studio here on BlitzTV … takes long breath from oxygen mask … And what a couple of … hacking cough … weeks its been out there on the ……